Worthless

All those letters I wrote to you

I still keep them in a box beneath my bed

 I was always too afraid to send them

Afraid that you'd think horrible of me

Your automatic love letters

They make me bleed

I kept my faith in you and you sent me

Automatic love letters

The loneliness that you gave me

The only thing that gave me hope

I tried not to believe 

That you'd make me feel so worthless

 So worthless

All the people that com and go

In my life

I don'T seem to see

 They leave me empty

More than you ever did

Your automatic love letters

 They make me bleed

 I kept my faith in you and you sent me

Automatic love letters

The loneliness that you gave me

The only thing that gave me hope

I tried not to believe

That you'd make me feel so worthless

Everything that you told me

I believed

You broke all my dreams

Made me feel like I was nothing

More than your whore

Your automatic love letters

They make me bleed

I kept my faith in you and you sent me

Automatic love letters

The loneliness that you gave me

The only thing that gave me hope

I tried not to believe

That you'd make me feel so worthless

Worthless

Your automatic love letters

They make me bleed

I kept my faith in you and you sent me

Automatic love letters

The loneliness that you gave me

The only thing that gave me hope

I tried not to believe

That you'd make feel so worthless

You made me feel so

You made me feel so

Worthless

This is a song that I'd apparently written either last year or quite a number of months ago. I hardly remember it, but here it is.

Welcome To My Wonderland

Down I fall deep into my mind

Off to Wonderland

Leaving what's real behind

I'm your riddle

That you can't seem to read

My love's the faerytale

That's too hard to believe

So broken and sad 

As the tarnish on my crown

Nowhere to go but down

I'm so caught up in myself

Nowhere to be found

No other way but down

Down, down, down

Down, down, down

I've said my farewell to what's real

Like the pain that I feel

Welcome to my Wonderland

I'm dead

Eat me or drink me

Seeing is believing

My Wonderland, baby

Is it all in my head?

My cup runs over with emptiness

I chased the hare of my innocence
I hide behind my Cheshire smile

It was so vivid but so grey all the while

So broken and sad

As the tarnish on my crown

Nowhere to go but down

I'm so caught up in myself

And nowhere to be found

No other way but down

Down, down, down

Down, down, down

I've said my farewell to what's real

Like the pain that I feel

Welcome to my Wonderland

I'm dead

Eat me or drink me

Seeing is believing

My Wonderland baby

Is it all in my head?

This poem is a parody song to Where's My Wonderland by Blood on the Dance Floor (please don't sue me). I had the idea to write it in the "Alice" perspective. And so here it is!

My Lullaby

People have always known I hurt

But they over look it

They have known I feel so alone

None of them ever prevented it

I have scars 

that they don't know about

I bleed out my worst fears

As the artificial light hits my tears

I see the blade that shines so bright

And the scarlet blood that feels so right

All my pain just goes away

All the pain that was on display

Everyone hates me

My friends let me bleed

Everything they see

Is covered by the blade I need

All that I need

When I bleed

And cry

Is this lullaby

Hushabye baby

So broken and sad

You didn't know life

Would treat you this bad 

It's time to end the pain you hid so well

So sleep tight with a knife

As you go straight back to hell

This poem is not about me being a cutting addict. I do not cut. Unless I have personally told you otherwise, do not assume I do. I just seem to have it from a cutter's perspective.

Call To The Moon

Take me Moon

For I am a child of the night

Take me soon

So I need not fright

Take me away

So I need not fear

Take me away

Away from here

Where's My Wonderland

What happened to my Wonderland?

Did it come crumbling down?

What happened to my happiness?

Did I start to drown?

What happened to my Wonderland?

Has reality hit me?

All this pain

is it real or all in my head?

Always so sad and broken

I tried to leave what's real behind

But as I fell deeper and deeper

into my mind

 I became harder to find

I've found my Wonderland

And I've left you all behind

All you see is a Cheshire smile

and the shell of a Mad Hatter

This poem is actually inspired by a song called Where's My Wonderland? by Blood on the Dance Floor. I decided to twist the song to what I thought it was about.

To The Music Man I've Never Met

Music man I've never met

You make me feel so alive

and I've never seen your face

One can only bet

how hard it is to strive

on very little in this place

They taunt me because I'm a freak

They point and laugh and whisper about me

Your music is the only thing that helps me through

Your music makes their words weak

You make me feel so free

So I guess this is thank you

Of all the things I could never say

those lyrics help me to speak

They and you help me to see there's a better way

Even if I am just a freak

This poem is for many musicians that I listen to. I've actually decided to send it to two in particular because they're my heroes. Unfortunately, I don't know if they'll get it.

Far Away/Escape

I've always been able to

lose myself in a good story

It was mostly to escape

I've always known that

Sometimes the characters

are all I have

That's why my imagination

runs so wild

I've been to places

you'd never dream of going

Places that don't exist

in real life

I can use these places

as escapes

when reality

treats me rough

They can make me forget

what I am and who I am

But only for awhile

Where's My Saviour?

Who will save

me from myself?

Will that person

find me before it's

too late?

Am I to find my

own solution?

Am I to be left

alone in my pain?

Are these demons

going to drag me

with them?

Will the dragon

keep me?

Is there a

knight in shining armour?

Will he save me

from everything

that has kept me pained?

Or will I drown in 

my sorrows?

Here's To The Kids

Here's to the kids

who sit alone on

a Friday or Saturday

night

Here's to the kids 

whose dreams

have been shot down

because it's not what

others want for them

Here's to the kids

who get by with

very little because

their family can't

afford much

Here's to the kids

who lost themselves

in music and not

drugs

Here's to the kids

who are always

in pain but keep

a smile

Here's to the kids

who are broken

and alone

Here's to the kids

who have foun

escape in other

things

 

Here's to the kids

who self-harm

 

Here's to the kids

who stay strong

in the worst times

 

Here's to you

the kids of

yesterday

What Happened?

I feel you slipping away

We never talk

I feel so alone without you

I wish I could

help you to understand

this

I understand

we're just friends

But right now

I don't know if

we're even that

I've only known you

but a short while

But I felt close to you

Now

I feel like we're

complete stangers

I don't want us

to be like this

I don't want

to lose your friendship

But maybe

I deserve to

Russian Roulette

I've got a gun to my head

I've considered this many times

I have no body now

Not even my family

What if I played

Russian roulette

by my self?

What are the chances 

that someone will hear

the gunshot?

What if I pulled the trigger?

Would my brains splatter

against the wall?

Or would nothing happen?

I guess the odds are

stacked against me

Or maybe for me

My family would greet me

at the "gates,"

right?

Or maybe I'll go to Hell

for what I've done

All the horror I've made

All the pain I've caused

Just so everyone knows, I was quite upset the day I wrote this. I wasn't contemplating suicide. Not at that moment, anyway. I'd actually been listening to Death to Your Heart by Blood on the Dance Floor and felt the need to write a poem with the first line of the song. So, no, not suicide. Just music.

You're Everything I Can't Have

I love you

You know I do

I know we should just be friends

I should learn to accept that

But I can't

You mean the world to me

You are

the only person

I actually care about

Outside my family

of course

The days I wish

I could be her

are the days I wish

I didn't exist

or I'd never met you

But then again

it doesn't matter

Does it?

I'm a no body

and you're practically a star

You're everything

I wish I could have

and what I want to be

Yin or Yang

Some people see

me as an angel

I believe

I'm more like a demon

I'm an annoyance

in my own head

I hate what I've become

A Hellish fiend

Servant and slave

for all that's evil

There are days where

I wonder what it is

that brought me

to become such a

pernicious person

But then again

according to most people

I'm a sweet person

Kind

As if I were from heaven

 

The question is

am I a demon

from the pits of Hell?

Or am I an angel

from the heavens above?

Pariah

What a shame

She's so broken

From all the loneliness

Within her heart

It's such a shame

No one knows her

She's such a sweet girl

But yet so solitary

How does she keep a smile?

Why does she look so happy?

She has no one near her

Maybe that's the way she likes it

It's a pity

Such a wonderful girl

Never loved

Always abused

Outcasted

It's such a shame

The everyone

judges a life they can't change

Hidden Rebel

You think I'm an angel

But, boy,

are you fooled

I'm not the girl

you think I am

I'm so much more

than what you think

I am a hidden rebel

just waiting to come out

You watch

your time will come

Endless Pain

I've always feared

that I will never find love

that I'll always be alone

You've always had the love

I've wanted

Endlessly loving another

My pain is here

The pain is strong

Your urges rise

Your pain is gone

But my hands are tied

with it

I'd rather lie awake

at night with pain

Than sleep tightly

with dreams of finding love

then waking up to find it

untrue and unreal

My mind is far away

Though I maybe

physically near

This poem is a found poem. Long story short, I had to write a found poem for English class and decided to use one I'd already written. This poem is just one I wrote anyway.

Blame

You're upset

I know you are

You only talk to

a select few people

and I'm not one 

of them

I won't hurt you

not emotionally

I couldn't

it's not in my nature

You're one of the only

people who have seen me

for me

I don't want to lose you

not like this

It may not be

my fault for making 

you upset

but I blame myself

just the same

Just remember

I am here for you

Broken Promises

Your promises to me

are empty,

nothing

You tend to break them

It's almost like you want

to build up my hope

and love to watch my

hopes be broken

You make me stop trusting

people all together

You're not the only

one who does it

Others have done

the same

Empty

I don't know why

but I feel so alone

The people I used to

know

have left me here

Even abandoned me

in the worst of

times

I used to feel

so loved

Now

I feel nothing

Only emptiness

From The Start

This is just another story

full of vampires, princes, and princesses

Listen close my dear audience

For I am the narrator

and this is just the prologue

Wait! wait

This is but the beginning

Continue on as the heroes

conquer the villians

But what if the villains win?

The lands will be in depression

nowhere to turn

Ah

but then there are other heroes

right?

This is but another story

with dragons, heroes, and villians

Listen close my dearest audience

For I am the narrator

and this is the prologue

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

I yell

I cry

I'm always angry

I feel myself

pushing people

I love away

I want to be alone

But I want someone near

I feel like a monster

or like I'm two-faced

I hate

then love

I cry

then laugh

I'm angry

then I'm happy

I'm such a monster

The Blade

You think that you

can say sorry and

everything will be fine

But I know that you'd

be the first to do it again

I'm not stupid

I know you

If I didn't know you

better than I know myself

I'd take you back

But that will

never happen

I know that you'd just

bury the knife

deep into my spine

again

Days We Lost

Where did the simple days go?

How did this happen to us?

When did we grow apart?

I miss what we had

The smiles faded

to frowns

The light

turned to dark

Everything that I used to know

that we had

has been lost

All the smiles

all the laughs

all those happy moments

have vanished with my sanity

I miss the simple days

Now only a black cloud

follows me

in your place

Untitled 5

 Another argument

I flee the scene

I don't wanna

be apart of

Raised voices

Thrown punches

Shattered glass

Broken hearts

Just another day

in my house